Back and for good!

Dear Diary,

Today is May 8th 2020, Friday. Currently, it is 10:46am as I'm typing this. It has been five years since I last updated this blog. Many things have happened during this five year timeframe.

Here are some updates I will be adding for my own perusal according to year.

2015

During this time I would still find myself attached to a male in my previous post. I have moved and settled down pretty comfortably in my new home with my beloved parents in Kampong Contoh, Kahang. Nothing interesting happened during the early half of this year.

That was until i made the decision to temporarily stay at my second sister's home in Singapore to find a job and support my parents in November 2015.

I helped her out with her bakes as she was a home baker during this moment and also to point out that i had not been successful in my endeavour of finding a job.

2016

I went on several, multiple, countless of job interviews and sadly and disdainfully, I had not landed myself on an opportunity to prove my worth in any company until March 2016.

I asked for help with my resume from the people i counted on most alas it was a painful letdown. luckily for me, i had a close friend living just a few blocks away and she taught me how to write up my resume. i did and i submitted to job street while applying for administrative work.

March 2016,

I got a job as a part time patient's associate at Sengkang Polyclinic. Huzzah! Pay was pretty pathetic if you ask me. But it did support my parents, albeit barely.

I found myself working elsewhere during the nightly hours after my morning job. Happily working at a tradition chinese clinic in tampines at night. I was also working another job from midnight til 3 am in the morning.

Thus was my daily routine for 3 to 4 months during that time. But i managed to bring home a whopping 2.5k net for le parents. in which i gave $500 to dad monthly and secretly saved the rest in his UOB account. i only took what was enough for me to go to work and back.

I fell out of love with said partner of 2 years during this time because he was an asshole. He claimed i was too busy for him. i had my weekend free for him but he couldn't free it for me for his damn kompang and percussions. *Insert rolling of eyes here*

truth be told, i knew he had another woman by his side. Saw him once when i was on the way back from night shift during this time. Just couldn't be bothered at all with him. After all, he cheated on me twice. what difference would it make a third time?

Fast forward to June 2016.

I was working with my second sister, dumb move, I know. At her little shop in bedok. I sent a friend request on Facebook to someone i highly admired back when i was a teeny tiny, snot-nosed brat. He approved a few hours later.

Freakie Y, let's call him that.

cut things short, we fell in love and decided to get married.

Daddy dearest was all fire and terror when my pompous, dimwitted second brother drop the bomb on him. I wanted to tell dad myself that i wanted to get married. But alas, my intellectually challenged elder brother told him before i had the chance.

i went home in September that year, around a week after the news, to pacify his royal daddiness. It wasn't pretty mind you. I barely had my plush bottom on the kitchen chair when Royal Terror unleashed his accumulated anger upon me.

I managed to quell his anger and soon, father dearest himself couldn't wait to meet his prospective son-in-law.

The following week was the day we were going to meet at my childhood friend, Qurratul Aini's wedding at kg tuah jaya, perling.

F.Y hitched a ride with my siblings.

Long story short, mom, dad, F.Y and i drove home to speak of our wedding details. Father dearest was surprisingly pleasant during the ride home.

Truth be told it was a wonderful experience for me. My prospective husband is a man who is matured and ready to settle down. That much can be seen from his actions alone and dad was more than pleased with the way he presented and carried himself.

2017

Everything went swell. I was the happiest and luckiest person on earth as my fiancee got along greatly with my parents. Daddy loved him more than anything in the world. He was adoring towards his newest addition to the family.

It all went perfect... until 3rd February 2017.

Father was down with a high fever to the point where he couldn't stand let alone walk on his own. He needed help in going to the toilet. The night of 3rd February 2017, I was awoken by the anxious and urgent voice of my mother. She alerted me that dad had fallen in the toilet and couldn't get up with her help alone and thus seek my help.

I dashed out of bed, albeit groggily mentally but still could find my bearings. I rushed to my parents' toilet to find my dad breathless, sitting on the cold tile floor with his eyes blurry. When he laid his eyes on me, he grinned and said, "I sort of fell and can't get up. A little help please?" with his usual cheeky smile.

My heart fell. I could feel a lump in my throat as my lips went dry. No matter how hard I tried, i couldn't get him to stand. Luckily, my fiancee was sleeping over that night and thus it was my turn to urgently awaken him from slumber for help.

It took us a while. But we managed to get him off and onto bed.

Morning of 4th February 2017, my fiancee and i decided to get the local doctor to come visit dad at home seeing as said person refused to go visit a clinic.

He managed to talk jovially with the doctor, but his words were slurring. Doctor said it was just normal fever and phlegm. My heart was restless. Mr fiancee went out to follow the doctor to his clinic to collect medication. And that was where things went spiralling down the drain.

Shortly after they left, Dad asked me to help him sit up as he couldn't breathe. I held him as he held the bottle of 100 plus shakily with his hands. He kept saying, "Sorry nak, bapak menyusahkan kau"(translates to sorry my daughter, i keep causing trouble for you)

By now his lips were turning blue as he drank half of that 1.5litres of water. I could feel my eyes burning from unshed tears. My mom was by his side by then and she kept rubbing his back and said its ok, nothing is his fault. all will be well.

Dad smiled at her and said the same thing to her, "Sorry roh, abang susahkan awak" his breath was getting ragged by now and tears were spilling from my mom's eyes. I was frantically rubbing his feet to warm him up and tapping his face lightly to keep him conscious. But minutes after, my dad took his last breath on my mother's shoulder as he fell into my arms, his last words were, "ashhadu alla ilaha illahllah".

I ran, as fast as my stubby fat legs could carry me to my neighbour's house. Screaming if they knew the ambulance's number. When they said no and asked why, i ran back home to call the medic from our nearby clinic. By now the neighbours have rushed to our house to see what was wrong and another had rode off on their motorcycle to the clinic to urgently get the ambulance over.

By now, my fiancee was back and he looked lost as he rode in from the gate. I couldn't stop the words from my mouth despite knowing he hasn't reached my house door yet. "Dad is gone..." he jumped off the motorbike and rushed in, slippers half way forgotten to take off.

When he reached dad, kneeling before my father. He touched my father's face gently and spoke softly, "Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rojiuun"

The day went by like a whirl. I was holding up as much as i could seeing that both fiancee and mom were both in tears, drowning in their own grief.

4th of February 2017 11.30am. I had lost my strongest pillar in life, my father, Abdul Majid bin Mahadi. May Allah s.w.t have mercy on his soul and place him in Jannahtul Naim amongst the saints and prophets. Insyaa Allah. Allahumma Amin.

I will stop this post here as it took me this long to compose it. My heart is aching at the memory of losing my father.