Back and for good!

Dear Diary,

Today is May 8th 2020, Friday. Currently, it is 10:46am as I'm typing this. It has been five years since I last updated this blog. Many things have happened during this five year timeframe.

Here are some updates I will be adding for my own perusal according to year.

2015

During this time I would still find myself attached to a male in my previous post. I have moved and settled down pretty comfortably in my new home with my beloved parents in Kampong Contoh, Kahang. Nothing interesting happened during the early half of this year.

That was until i made the decision to temporarily stay at my second sister's home in Singapore to find a job and support my parents in November 2015.

I helped her out with her bakes as she was a home baker during this moment and also to point out that i had not been successful in my endeavour of finding a job.

2016

I went on several, multiple, countless of job interviews and sadly and disdainfully, I had not landed myself on an opportunity to prove my worth in any company until March 2016.

I asked for help with my resume from the people i counted on most alas it was a painful letdown. luckily for me, i had a close friend living just a few blocks away and she taught me how to write up my resume. i did and i submitted to job street while applying for administrative work.

March 2016,

I got a job as a part time patient's associate at Sengkang Polyclinic. Huzzah! Pay was pretty pathetic if you ask me. But it did support my parents, albeit barely.

I found myself working elsewhere during the nightly hours after my morning job. Happily working at a tradition chinese clinic in tampines at night. I was also working another job from midnight til 3 am in the morning.

Thus was my daily routine for 3 to 4 months during that time. But i managed to bring home a whopping 2.5k net for le parents. in which i gave $500 to dad monthly and secretly saved the rest in his UOB account. i only took what was enough for me to go to work and back.

I fell out of love with said partner of 2 years during this time because he was an asshole. He claimed i was too busy for him. i had my weekend free for him but he couldn't free it for me for his damn kompang and percussions. *Insert rolling of eyes here*

truth be told, i knew he had another woman by his side. Saw him once when i was on the way back from night shift during this time. Just couldn't be bothered at all with him. After all, he cheated on me twice. what difference would it make a third time?

Fast forward to June 2016.

I was working with my second sister, dumb move, I know. At her little shop in bedok. I sent a friend request on Facebook to someone i highly admired back when i was a teeny tiny, snot-nosed brat. He approved a few hours later.

Freakie Y, let's call him that.

cut things short, we fell in love and decided to get married.

Daddy dearest was all fire and terror when my pompous, dimwitted second brother drop the bomb on him. I wanted to tell dad myself that i wanted to get married. But alas, my intellectually challenged elder brother told him before i had the chance.

i went home in September that year, around a week after the news, to pacify his royal daddiness. It wasn't pretty mind you. I barely had my plush bottom on the kitchen chair when Royal Terror unleashed his accumulated anger upon me.

I managed to quell his anger and soon, father dearest himself couldn't wait to meet his prospective son-in-law.

The following week was the day we were going to meet at my childhood friend, Qurratul Aini's wedding at kg tuah jaya, perling.

F.Y hitched a ride with my siblings.

Long story short, mom, dad, F.Y and i drove home to speak of our wedding details. Father dearest was surprisingly pleasant during the ride home.

Truth be told it was a wonderful experience for me. My prospective husband is a man who is matured and ready to settle down. That much can be seen from his actions alone and dad was more than pleased with the way he presented and carried himself.

2017

Everything went swell. I was the happiest and luckiest person on earth as my fiancee got along greatly with my parents. Daddy loved him more than anything in the world. He was adoring towards his newest addition to the family.

It all went perfect... until 3rd February 2017.

Father was down with a high fever to the point where he couldn't stand let alone walk on his own. He needed help in going to the toilet. The night of 3rd February 2017, I was awoken by the anxious and urgent voice of my mother. She alerted me that dad had fallen in the toilet and couldn't get up with her help alone and thus seek my help.

I dashed out of bed, albeit groggily mentally but still could find my bearings. I rushed to my parents' toilet to find my dad breathless, sitting on the cold tile floor with his eyes blurry. When he laid his eyes on me, he grinned and said, "I sort of fell and can't get up. A little help please?" with his usual cheeky smile.

My heart fell. I could feel a lump in my throat as my lips went dry. No matter how hard I tried, i couldn't get him to stand. Luckily, my fiancee was sleeping over that night and thus it was my turn to urgently awaken him from slumber for help.

It took us a while. But we managed to get him off and onto bed.

Morning of 4th February 2017, my fiancee and i decided to get the local doctor to come visit dad at home seeing as said person refused to go visit a clinic.

He managed to talk jovially with the doctor, but his words were slurring. Doctor said it was just normal fever and phlegm. My heart was restless. Mr fiancee went out to follow the doctor to his clinic to collect medication. And that was where things went spiralling down the drain.

Shortly after they left, Dad asked me to help him sit up as he couldn't breathe. I held him as he held the bottle of 100 plus shakily with his hands. He kept saying, "Sorry nak, bapak menyusahkan kau"(translates to sorry my daughter, i keep causing trouble for you)

By now his lips were turning blue as he drank half of that 1.5litres of water. I could feel my eyes burning from unshed tears. My mom was by his side by then and she kept rubbing his back and said its ok, nothing is his fault. all will be well.

Dad smiled at her and said the same thing to her, "Sorry roh, abang susahkan awak" his breath was getting ragged by now and tears were spilling from my mom's eyes. I was frantically rubbing his feet to warm him up and tapping his face lightly to keep him conscious. But minutes after, my dad took his last breath on my mother's shoulder as he fell into my arms, his last words were, "ashhadu alla ilaha illahllah".

I ran, as fast as my stubby fat legs could carry me to my neighbour's house. Screaming if they knew the ambulance's number. When they said no and asked why, i ran back home to call the medic from our nearby clinic. By now the neighbours have rushed to our house to see what was wrong and another had rode off on their motorcycle to the clinic to urgently get the ambulance over.

By now, my fiancee was back and he looked lost as he rode in from the gate. I couldn't stop the words from my mouth despite knowing he hasn't reached my house door yet. "Dad is gone..." he jumped off the motorbike and rushed in, slippers half way forgotten to take off.

When he reached dad, kneeling before my father. He touched my father's face gently and spoke softly, "Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Rojiuun"

The day went by like a whirl. I was holding up as much as i could seeing that both fiancee and mom were both in tears, drowning in their own grief.

4th of February 2017 11.30am. I had lost my strongest pillar in life, my father, Abdul Majid bin Mahadi. May Allah s.w.t have mercy on his soul and place him in Jannahtul Naim amongst the saints and prophets. Insyaa Allah. Allahumma Amin.

I will stop this post here as it took me this long to compose it. My heart is aching at the memory of losing my father.

Updates For 2015

Hey,

Good evening people! It's been 5 months since I last updated. And it has been too long. So I decided to do a quick update on myself.

I have moved to Kahang, Kluang, Johor, Malaysia.

Up in the hills, in the middle of a forest and surrounded by four mountains.

I'll be more detailed when I have the time for it. But right now I'll be brief.

I am still in a relationship with Adi Ksatria, Eddie, and we have passed our 9th month together. Hopefully we'll get to reach the one year anniversary together.

Things have been pretty pleasant here in Kahang. And I'm not hating it ad I thought I would before I moved. The land and house is under my name in case something were to happen to dad.

I don't want to think of any negative thoughts but it is the truth we all have to go through some day. Some faster than others.

I am currently waiting for tomorrow rather impatiently for I have the need to call Skynet courier services branched in Kluang. I have yet to receive my parcel... Hopefully I will be getting it soon for I have not heard any good feedbacks from their customers.

These are expensive dresses I bought and they better not ruin it or I'll kill em 😒😒

Well I think that is it for now.

Til I blog again.

Ja ne, minna-san!

Lost in Abyss

So then the evening wind blew against my face softly. As if to soothe my aching soul.

A black abyss lays awake. Waiting to devour my very being.

A sword plunged into my chest, straight through my heart.

Blood spilled everywhere, staining the battlefield with such dread.

A moments delay is all it takes, for my enemy to advance forward.

His vanguard charging through my defenses, breaking into the loopholes of my formation.

The harsh reality of death overwhelmed my soldiers,

They fled, abandoning their queen as I sat upon my majestic steed.

Pegasus was its name, holding his ground bravely as I rode him through the battle.

Stomping my enemies as they came closer to us, kicking away weapons raised against us.

My brave and loyal steed.

My four generals in a formation, protecting my person as we barged.

Rain, Ralphus, Joe and Reygal.

A dragon slayer, An intelligent tactician, The divine and Invincible Warrior and Lastly, The demon.

A harmony of power as my generals. Whom shall ride this war with me.

In this black abyss, lost in it we shall be.

Fighting against creatures of myths. Against a horde of apparitions. 

We stood tall against their might.

Though countless of days we've fought.

We were victorious!

Despite our misfortune we were in bliss,

Winning a war lost in abyss

Drama Mama

Guten morgen!

Yes, for the last time, I updated my wordpress!!! =.=" *facepalms*
To those who have lost the url to my whirlpool of emotional poems on my wordpress, just click the wordpress in the first sentence of this paragraph!

Now, on to more interesting details! Today is the 11th day of Ramadhan! Wow, how time flies. When you are actually enjoying something, you really don't keep track of the things around you.

Well at the very least my fever has gone down considerably. I'm back to work! I'm too bored without my elder brother around. *pouts* Well it gets lonely when you're the only child left in the house to entertain your parents. *giggles* Now what I'd like to say is, even though it is a little late,
Ramadhan Al-Mubarak to all Muslims around the world. May this holy month bring us closer to Allah and open our hearts to be more faithful to him Insha Allah, Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin.

Well for now, I shall head back to sorting out my files since it is a little messy before I have to get some documents ready for my sub-con.

Until I find time to update again,
Stay healthy all, May God bless you Insha Allah, Amin.

Ja Ne! Sayonara Minna-san!

Return Of My King

Disregard my previous post. Found out there was a slight problem with his annoying phone which has turned to scrap *giggles*

So it's 2014~

New Year's resolution? Hahahahahaha
Oh dear God~

"Azam" baru aku tak menentu sangat bhaiy! Especially with my O level results popping on the 13 of January. *gulps*

Anywaaaaays.... I'm just glad 2013 is over and 2014 has come... Did I mention I'm turning 18 =.=" *sighs*

Nonetheless nothing much shall be said til something interesting falls on my feet. Til then, Ja Ne minna!

My Fear

Sickness..??

Past few days have been hectic for me. With mom and dad being sick despite their strong facade they put on for my siblings to see. But I know them far better than that. With dad and his chest pain and mom with her shoulder joint hurting and quite often asthma attacks at night.

With my sister off with her hubby and 7months old son to Malacca for a family vacation in lue to their second anniversary and my second brother at work. I'm the only one mom and dad has. And they are the only ones I have.

Even I have to put on this stupid fake smile on my face to avoid making them worry. Why? Because I too am an asthma patient. It has been a few cold nights lately. Causing a few slight asthma attacks for me. But not as bad as mom. Alhamdulillah.

I just hope nothing bad goes as today. With dad... Never mind. 

I'm alone. With none to share my worry. No friends. *smiles sadly* 

I can't pour my heart out to Kei. He has his plates full as it is with Hana-san going in and out of dialysis and chemotherapy. I hope she gets better. My parents too... They aren't getting any younger nor getting healthier...

I'm scared of what reality and life has to offer. I know the bitter truth will have to be faced one day in the future. But I just hope not in the near future. Ya Allah... Panjangkanlah umur dan sihatkanlah badan mak dan bapak aku Ya Allah. Amin Ya Rabbal A'lamin.

Interesting week

Hey hi!

Hows all been lately? Well my week was pretty much mundane from Mundane to Thunkday :P
So I've been missing my nieces and nephews for the past, what? months?
So here's a few of the hundred pics I've snapped via #webcamtoy (click hash tag to see)

Here I am with my Eldest Brother's second child, Sara Atika... She's an annoying brat has learnt the power of being a vain pot! My god =.=" She's like the worse replica of me+azrin. Why? Because she just doesn't know when to shut up! hahaha But I love her nonetheless ♥ She's a sweetheart though a lil noisy ^.^ Scratch that, she's ubber noisy~ hahaha She's 4 years old btw ^.^

And here with have Danial Irphan. My eldest Brother's youngest and only son. He's 3 years old I think. A real sweetheart and his negeri 9 accent is freaking thick! Eden punye! hahaha Comey! Cute la my nephew ^.^

We all know my cute eldest sisters eldest child, Siti Nur Amelia who is now 8 years of age!! How time flies! It felt just like yesterday when I touched her the first time in the hospital. I was 9 then mind you. *Giggles*

We know amelia on the right and me in the centre. The one on the left is my eldest sister's youngest, Muhammad Danial Afiq who is 5 years old. Same age as Sara ^.^ Abyaby dah besar giler doe -.- XD

Here we have a full picture of Me(on the right), Amelia(Centre Bottom), Afiq(Left bottom), Adam(Left top) and my younger cousin Amirah on the centre top!

Aren't we the cutest? Hahah Okay I'm just being full of myself again. But why not? Indulge me eh? haha


So anyways, Aidilfitri is a week away, have you got your preparations all ready? Well mine sure are. My baju kurung was made by mom. Wearing white this year ^^
Kasut raya? Ehemmmm Pakai slipa suaaa hehehe
But seriously, I'm wearing flip flops this time around. No way am I gonna wear high heels =.="
It'll be suicidal *snickers*

Anyways that'll be all for now. My youngest nephew is crying so I'm going to annoy him some more :P
Good day! ♥♥♥